How to Have the Best Night's Sleep Ever
It’s 4 am and I’m wide awake. I listen as outside the window my rooster welcomes the new day with a magnificent crow.
The sky is fading from black to inky blue and indigo, and the pre-dawn moonlight streams bright through my window. My rooster’s night-piercing crow, beckoning day and life and sun, precedes the song of the first morning birds, and now terror strikes in my heart.
Does anything cause such a panic like the song of the first morning bird on a sleepless night? All these wakeful hours I’ve been wandering alone through a still and sleeping world and now the world is new again and still I linger from yesterday. It’s a Twilight Zone episode of surreal displacement, somehow becoming jarringly disconnected from the world.
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Like air, sex, and money, sleep is one of those things to which we don’t give much conscious thought... that is, until we’re not getting any. In fact, in the modern world, sleep has become something on our to-do list we’ll “get to” after we’ve worked long hours and spent time with our families and cleaned our homes and caught up with friends and watched our favourite TV shows.
As human beings have evolved, our attitude toward sleep has drifted from biologically fundamental to something of an afterthought. Even conversational connotations around sleep seem to mock its usefulness for anyone but the precious, the elderly, or infants. Modern Western culture rubbishes sleep with expressions of “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”
With that being said, I'm sure we can all agree: there is no more sublime bliss than waking restored, recharged, and ready for the day after a good night’s sleep. I’m equally sure many of us relate to how we often feel instead upon waking: tired, unmotivated, and struggling through each day.
There’s 3 pm sugar crashes and dark eye bags and trying to function from within a deep mental fog. Our emotions feel difficult to control and regulate.
For some of us with chronic sleep deficiency, depression and anxiety may start to rear their head. Sleep deficiency (that is, sleeping disorders, insomnia, and disconnection from our natural sleep rhythms) is on the rise. The National Institute of Health has found that as many as 7-19% of Americans don’t get enough sleep at the right time of day. Even more frighteningly, nearly 40% of survey participants admitted to falling asleep accidentally at least once a month. It’s no wonder that fatigue causes as many as one in six car accidents.
The importance of a good night’s sleep
BODY
The body has vital deep biological functions to repair, regenerate and rejuvenate itself which only happens during deep sleep. As well as cellular repair and immune system bolstering, the body secretes and suppresses certain hormones. Adequate sleep reduces the stress hormone cortisol. Sleep also balances the hunger hormone, ghrelin, and the satiety hormone, leptin. Without sleep, imbalances in ghrelin and leptin can lead to “energy crashes” at 3 pm, overeating, and weight gain. In fact, sleep deficiency has been linked to heart disease, kidney disease, lowered immune system, high blood pressure, diabetes, stroke, and obesity.
SKIN
During deep REM sleep, cell and tissue repair and immune system bolstering slows the aging process. The largest organ of the body, our skin, is a direct reflection of how our body is aging. Adequate sleep impairs the development of fine lines and age spots. During sleep, our bodies secrete collagen and other growth hormones to give our skin a healthy, nourished glow and a youthful appearance. The old wives’ tale about “beauty sleep” is steeped in truth!
MIND
Chronic sleep deficiencies have been associated with depression, negative thinking, anxiety, and even suicide, or risk-taking behaviour. Sleep deprivation has also been associated with impaired judgment, delayed reaction times, reduced coordination, and impaired memory and concentration.
Sleep, explained
Before the 1950s, it was thought that once asleep, we switched off and “powered down” for the night. We now know that our sleep patterns are much more complex. Our sleep happens in cycles, and adults may experience up to five full cycles a night. During each cycle, our brains and bodies are still very active, going through several stages of activity. Within each stage, various functions occur in the mind and body for healing, rejuvenation, and rest.
PHASE 1
You’ve closed your eyes, your body becomes heavy, and you feel yourself being carried out of consciousness. Just a few minutes after you nod off, you enter the first stage of sleep. You are only sleeping very lightly. In fact, you're still quite alert, easily woken if you startle or are disrupted. This phase lasts for several minutes, during which your brain is producing both alpha and theta activity.
PHASE 2
During the next stage, you also sleep fairly lightly. Your brain suddenly spikes in activity briefly, after which it slows down again.
PHASE 3 + 4
Now you begin to enter deep, truly restful sleep. The brain is producing much slower delta waves. Your eyes and muscles do not move at all and your entire body is less responsive to external stimuli. Whilst your brain produces delta waves, your body begins its restorative phase. In this phase your body does cellular and tissue repairs, boosts the immune system, stimulates growth, regulates hormones, and recharges your energy.
REM SLEEP
If, up until now, nothing interrupted your sleep cycle, about 90 minutes after initially falling asleep you will enter REM sleep. Each REM sequence lasts up to one hour. During this final stage in the sleep cycle, your brain activity picks up again. It is during the REM sequence that you dream. Your brain works through your subconscious, bringing it to the front of your mind, and processes information from the day, storing it in your long-term memory. If you’re doing the sleep thing right, each night you should get between five to six full sleep cycles, including REM sleep. This means five to six opportunities for physiological and subconscious healing during a good night’s sleep.
Why we have a love hate relationship with sleep
Confession: I’m a dreadful sleeper. I’m a bit of a night owl, and drifting off to sleep any time before 2 in the morning is a struggle.
So, any time before then I’m a light sleeper. At the slightest noise, I’m suddenly wide awake and unable to get back to sleep.
Cue total disaster if you sleep next to another human being or a pet. Or, both. Like me.
I’m sure a lot of people can relate, and I’m equally sure a lot of people feel their need to “be productive” comes at the cost of a good night’s sleep, or enough sleep to feel fully recharged.
In today’s world, we’ve put sleep at the bottom of our to-do list. With the de-prioritisation of sleep comes some terrible sleep habits.
These habits, in fact, set in motion the exact opposite of biological responses to those necessary for falling asleep. We check TikTok (guilty), binge watch Netflix, or sift through our Inbox one last time. Some of us may even bring our laptop into the bedroom and work.
And sleep schedule? More chaotic than the inside of that handbag I almost decided it was easier to just abandon rather than cleaning it out.
No set bed time or wake time leaves our bodies to guess. Set bedtimes and wake times are important, because something called circadian rhythm governs our sleep cycles (and eating cycles).
This is a 24-hour body clock. It governs when you feel drowsy, and when you feel wakeful during the day.
These dips occur naturally between 2 and 4 am (when we’re usually asleep anyway) and 1 and 3 pm (why we tend to feel tired after lunch). The interesting thing is that the more sleep rejuvenated we are, the less we feel this 1-3 pm crash.
Our circadian rhythm is controlled by the hypothalamus, and is also controlled by lightness and dark. As the sky and our surroundings grow dark, the eyes signal the hypothalamus that it’s time to feel tired.
Our brain signals the release of melatonin, the chemical which causes the body to feel drowsy. When morning sunlight floods our eyes, melatonin levels drop and cortisol increases to give us energy and alertness for the day.
Before we invented electricity, we followed our circadian rhythms intuitively. With no light to see, we used to go to sleep when it got dark, and arise naturally with the sun. Humans slept for an average of 10 hours a day.
This is opposed to the average of 6-7 hours sleep (if we’re lucky) in modern culture.
Now, think about your house at night time. All the lights are on, the TV is probably blaring too, and you’re on your iPad. Bright blue light, designed to mimic sunlight, is flooding your eyeballs, so your body still produces cortisol and suppresses melatonin.
No wonder we struggle to sleep! If you’re anything like I’ve been in the past, you’re going to bed without sleep-inducing melatonin, still as jacked up on cortisol as my Chihuahua at the dog park.
How to be a regular Bedtime Bear
For some of us, factors like shift work or new parenthood can cause unavoidable problems with sleep patterns. However, for many of us our worst enemy is poor sleep hygiene.
By tweaking our sleep hygiene habits, all of us can highly improve the quality, if not duration, of our sleep and reap the benefits for mind and body. Even if, due to your own circumstances, not all of these are possible, incorporating just a few of the below will revolutionise your sleep hygiene.
Each will help you to fall asleep faster and feel more refreshed in the morning. If it’s possible for me, it’s possible for almost anyone.
GET SOCIAL MEDIA THE HELL OUT OF YOUR ROOM
Do not check Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram for an hour and a half before bed. Socializing – whether in person or electronically – is an activity for waking hours.
Additionally, the blue light emitted from our electronics affect melatonin production, increases night waking frequency, and disrupts circadian rhythms. If you simply must use a screen at night, consider downloading a blue light blocking app, or rocking a set of these bad boys - blue light blocking glasses.
KEEP YOUR BEDROOM FOR SLEEP + SEX
Reserve your bedroom for sleep, rest, and sex only – this means that it’s a no-go zone for your laptop and work. Your mind associating your bedroom with sleep can help you to fall asleep faster.
CAN’T DO WITHOUT YOUR TV?
I know, me neither. I just can’t fall asleep unless I watch a bit of telly in bed. Hey, nobody’s perfect.
BUT I have some ground rules that have made it a way less disruptive experience (for me and for my poor husband Greg, who prefers to sleep in pitch dark and silence):
No stress inducing, drama filled, chaotic, scary, intense TV. It’s got to be something pretty peaceful, maybe mildly funny, something that gives you the warm and fuzzies, and ideally something you’ve seen 100 kajillion times so you don’t force yourself to stay awake to see the end. A really old Disney movie is a perfect example.
Avoid network TV. The ads are loud, stimulating, bright and attention grabbing. Stream something instead.
Set a sleep timer on your TV set (if you need it on), so that it doesn't run all night and keep you from REM sleep.
Go into the Display settings of your TV and turn down the brightness, contrast, and back lighting.
Consider installing a blue light filter.
TURN OFF YOUR ALERTS
Because the 625 cat memes your overseas friend is sending you at 2 am are not urgent enough to disrupt your sleep. If you set your alarm on your phone, flick your phone over to Flight mode so that you don’t receive notifications during sleep.
DAMAGE CONTROL
If you really must have electronics in the bedroom, minimize the damage. Power down laptops, flip phones over so alerts don’t light up the room, and cover flashing lights with electrical tape. And consider some blue-blocking glasses (see above).
HEAL YOUR CIRCADIAN RHYTHMS
Going camping, even overnight, resets your circadian rhythm by reteaching your mind to associate darkness with sleep and lightness with awake. Without the disruption of artificial light, you will notice your body fatigue and wide down as the sun goes down and naturally wake up with the sunrise.
If your schedule doesn’t allow, or camping isn’t your thing, mimic the experience at home.
Have less lights blazing in your house at night. Saves electricity too.
Forget about overhead lighting. Choose soft lamp lighting or candle light wherever possible and only switch an overhead light on if necessary to cook with.
Showers/baths by cande light are exquisite soul food, and prep you perfectly for sleep, especially with lavender aromatherapy for extra calm. (NB: Don't go to bed with candles/flammables burning.)
SLEEP SIGNALS
New parents will tell you that a good sleep routine is vital for getting your baby to sleep because the “wind down routine” conditions their baby to recognise that it’s time for sleep and settle more easily. Well, we never grow out of it because adults are no different.
Having a “bedtime routine” and creating sleep associations in your mind teaches your body when it is time to prepare for sleep. Bedtime yoga, a hot shower before bed, a foot massage, a cup of calming sleep tea, spritzing magnesium sprayon your legs, spraying lavender on your pillow, or using melatonin spray all create powerful associations that trigger sleepiness.
CONSISTENT BEDTIME AND WAKE TIME
Keeping a consistent time for going to bed and waking up is everything when it comes to balancing sleep cycles. You may think it more beneficial to “get some extra sleep” on weekends by sleeping in, but it actually does your sleep hygiene a disservice, leading to a lower quality sleep overall.
You will be amazed at how quickly you adapt to a consistent bedtime! When my sleep times were erratic, I laid awake for hours before I eventually fell asleep. Now, I could easily nod off no matter where I am or what I’m doing at 10 pm, because I've trained my body to prepare for sleep by that time.
A consistent wakening time also helps to awaken recharged. With time, you hardly even need an alarm clock (goodbye, 6000 snoozes before getting out of bed).
SLEEP GEAR – THERE’S NO SUBSTITUTE FOR QUALITY
Choose a bed, a mattress and a mattress topper that suit yours and your partner’s individual and collective needs. Take into account factors such as how you sleep (side sleeper, fetal sleeper, back sleeper, starfish sleeper, active sleeper, kung fu fighter sleeper), your body size, and any medical conditions.
Choose a bed that is the right size, and choose a mattress and pillow that will support your body and sleep style. I was today years old when I discovered that there is a correct pillow type for each sleep style (e.g. side sleeper, back sleeper). I also recommend high-quality bedding that is exceptionally comfortable and feels luxurious, which can promote feelings of ease and relaxation.
BLACKOUT CURTAINS
My husband and I used to live in the country, and so had no disruptive street light pouring in through our windows at night. The only light we had was starlight and moonlight.
Now we live in the city and the whole place is lit up like a Christmas tree - and that’s before we get any headlights from cars driving past. Blackout curtians are a must to block out the light from traffic.
Similarly, you may want to consider investing in good quality blackout curtains to overcome street lights and lights from passing cars, if applicable. When you first wake in the morning, open the curtains wide to teach your body it’s time to wake up.
WHITE NOISE
I find it hard to fall asleep in silence but equally as disruptive to hear people talking/laughing. These sleep phones are amazing because they lay flat against my head and I can play soft relaxation music, a sleep hypnosis or airplane white noise to help me drift off.
If you don’t like sleeping with headphones on, try using a white noise machine, this ambient noise music, or even running a fan or air conditioner. It’s soothing because it runs at a constant rhythm and temperature and masks background sounds.
GOOD SLEEP TEMPERATURE
Believe it or not, the temperature of the bedroom can have a profound impact on ease in falling asleep and sleep quality. Think of your bedroom as a sleep cave – it ought to be dark, quiet and cool.
Our bodies have to drop in temperature to fall asleep and our environment directly influences this. The ideal sleep temperature is 64 to 72 degrees Farenheit, or 18 to 22 degrees Celsius. If you have the means, use air conditioning to achieve this. If not, using a fan, sleeping naked (see below), and using blackout curtains through the day can help to keep the room cool.
Another good little hack for triggering that “temperature drop” is to have a warm shower right before bed. As your body’s temperature drops after getting out of the shower, you’ll naturally feel more tired and prepared for bed.
NO CAFFEINE OR ALCOHOL
These are stimulant substances best avoided before bed. Although alcohol can initially cause drowsiness, consuming too much too close to bed time increases the number of awakenings at night and reduces sleep quality.
A glass of wine with dinner is usually fine; but avoid drinking more than one to two standard drinks before bed and try to avoid drinking within three hours of sleep.
As for caffeine, I cannot start my day without a blissful cup of fresh coffee! But avoid drinking it up to six hours before bed. Switch to decaf alternatives.
NIX THE NAPS
Whilst I am partial to a nap on a lazy Sunday afternoon, they can be disruptive to sleep. Short power naps (less than 30 minutes) within that natural 2-3 pm circadian slump are usually okay, but if you struggle to sleep at night, it may be time to cut out napping and avoid falling asleep before your regular bedtime.
GET OUT INTO THE SUNSHINE
Truly: game changing. Increasing natural sunlight exposure throughout the day helps to reset your circadian rhythm and can reduce the amount of time it takes to get to sleep by up to 83%.
Two hours of sunlight exposure a day can increase the duration of sleep by up to two hours.
If you work in an office environment where you have little sunlight exposure, make sure you get out into the sunshine at lunch. Try going for a walk, or eating your lunch at a park in the sunshine.
KEEP YOUR BEDROOM CLEAN
A tidy room = a tidy mind. In Feng Shui, the bedroom is the most important room in the home. It is here that mind, body, and qi, or life force, is restored and so energy in this space must be kept clear.
It's even thought that a cluttered bedroom shared between two lovers can cause relationship problems. All I know is that when I neatly make my bed and keep my room tidy, I fall asleep much faster and awaken much brighter.
CLOSE THE KITCHEN EARLY
Avoid eating large, heavy meals right before bedtime. Late night eating can negatively impact sleep quality, HGH and melatonin production, affecting sleep quality and restoration during sleep cycles. Not to mention it’s difficult to fall asleep when your spicy vegan supreme pizza insists on popping up to say hello every 10 minutes.
IF YOU CAN’T SLEEP, GET UP
Anxiety about not being able to fall asleep, or waking up in the night, will only make things worse. Watching the clock tick down toward your alarm raises cortisol and suppresses melatonin.
As counterintuitive as it may seem, you are likely to fall asleep much faster if you get up, prepare some herbal tea, and do some light reading, coloring in, or even some bedtime yoga. Keep the lights dim and resist the urge to sit on social media!
BALANCE FLUIDS
Somehow, my body got into the dreadful habit of wanting to wake me up through the night to pee. The problem only got worse with time.
Sometimes I was up four times in the night to use the loo. Each time, it took forever to get back to sleep.
Going to bed hardly even felt worth it.
After the doctor ruled out medical causes, I researched how to break the habit. Cutting back on caffeine before bed helped, as caffeine is a diuretic (i.e. it increases the frequency of urination).
I also made sure I finished drinking my 3 L of water by 6 pm and held off on drinking all liquids 1- 1.5 hours before bed.
The most helpful tip was from Dr Oz, who as it happened aired an episode on it while I was researching the very thing (manifestation at its best). He suggested going to the toilet at the beginning your bedtime wind down routine, and then going again as the very last thing you do before getting into bed. This habit has been very effective.
EXERCISE! (BUT NOT TOO CLOSE TO BEDTIME)
Studies have shown that regular exercise not only improves energy during the day but helps with sleep at night by increasing time spent in deep sleep, reducing the time it takes to fall asleep (by up to 55%), and relieving insomnia. However, vigorous exercise after 6 pm can interfere with sleep by spiking alertness with hormones epinephrine and adrenaline.
Try working out first thing in the morning. As an added bonus, your workout is over and done with before life distracts you.
HAVE SEX
Sex relieves stress, burns any excess energy you’ve brought to bed, fills you with nature’s painkiller, endorphins, to kill any aches and pains that interfere with sleep, and lowers cortisol. Plus, having an orgasm releases prolactin, which causes you to feel sleepy.
For us women, who sometimes have a million thoughts going on while we try to sleep, sexual stimulation decreases activity in the amygdala and hippocampus – two areas of the brain responsible for anxiety and alertness.
HIMALAYAN SALT LAMP
My husband and I each have matching Himalayan salt lamps on our bedside tables. Cute, right?
There is nothing lovelier or more inviting for sleep than to walk into our bedroom at night, dimly glowing with low pink light.
There’s something very comforting and lulling about them. Himalayan salt lamps are thought to naturally filter and cleanse the air. The pink light also counteracts sleep disrupting blue light and won’t throw off your circadian rhythms.
SATIN PILLOW CASE
For the ultimate beauty sleep experience, choose to sleep on a satin pillow case. More abrasive fabrics will pull on the skin overnight, exacerbating fine lines and wrinkles around your eyes, forehead and mouth.
A satin pillowcase, on the other hand, allows your skin to glide across it without pulling. For the same reason, they’re ideal for people who wear eyelash extensions. Satin helps your skin to retain moisture, whilst cotton will draw moisture from your face while you sleep.
A satin pillowcase also protects against frizzy hair by minimising static and it keeps your hair from getting that “flat”, slept on look in the morning. Plus, it just feels luxurious!
SLEEP NAKED
Freer, more relaxed, better intimacy, and less laundry. It’s win-win. It leads to better sleep because it helps regulate your body temperature.
Sleeping naked is also fantastic for your skin. We’re in clothes all day long and particularly our feet, armpits and intimate areas get no opportunity to breathe.
For this reason, sleeping naked can reduce your risk of developing skin conditions like fungal infections.
Conclusion
Although our sleep can be disrupted for a variety of reasons, almost all of us can benefit from incorporating better sleep hygiene into our nightly routine. Creating a sacred sleep haven in your bedroom, making sleep associations to reset your circadian rhythm, and allowing yourself to wind down before bed can transform your sleep, making you more rested, better motivated, and energetic throughout the day. It’s a biological function that unites us all, universally as necessary as eating and drinking to our survival. Now go and prioritise it, my friends. Sweet dreams.
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